HAPPY VIRUS

useless_theory @ 2006-04-02T23:29:00

2006-04-03T04:04:38Z

this is how sad my life is

so im standing in line at the rez express subway today with a friend, for the unavailable-at-the-caf dinner, and look over at the baked goods section, and am looking at their muffins, saw what appeared to be cranberry,looked good, i think to myself "hmmm, after i get my sub, ill get a muffin....yeah. sounds good."
everythings cool, im already starting to enjoy my mental muffin. all awesome.
then
this butch bleach blonde..... dont even know if i can call it a female, comes up, grabs a bag, starts putting muffins in there, and im not talkignn one or two, 7 8 9!!! she seems satisfied, i give my friend a weird look, she took all the cranberry muffins, she leaves.
i think to myself "hey, its not that bad, ill have the banana one".
then.
the fucking horse woman comes back with here bag of muffins, two huge diet coke bottles and ....GRABS ANOTHER FUCKING BAG???????
my jaw dropped, my friends jaw dropped, the guy in front of us' jaw dropped....THE CIRCLE GOES ON AS WE WATCH THIS CHICK FILL UP TWO OTHER BAGS OF MUFFINS.
THE ONLY ONES SHE SO GENEROUSLY LEAVES BEHIND ARE REALLY SUSPICIOUS DARK BROWN ONES.
....fuck.

useless_theory @ 2006-02-08T15:04:00

2006-02-08T20:07:52Z

i love alvin and the chipmunks. they make me all warm inside:D
and also apparently our whole house will dress up as the whole cast of the wizard of oz for halloween next year, i got the tin man, guess why.
fun. oh alvin......

IVE GOT A HOUSE NOW

2006-01-12T04:55:43Z

that's right people, yours truly is now a proudhome owner of a brick beauty that will house 4 people next year, and i cant fucking wait to paint it.

i am so fucking psyched, its the one on the left.
and its official, i will stay in kingston over the summer to work. so if you guys wanna see me, better get your butts up here.
im so fucking happy about this its ridiculous.

lalalalalalalala, paint paint paint paint......lalalalalalala

MARIA'S TOP THREEEEE

2005-12-24T03:40:26Z

here's who im lusting for these past few days:
- a young val kilmer. (whoa whoa)

a young gergory peck:

and JAKE!!!!!!!:

thats it really, im like in love with all of them, isnt christmas wonderful??
so yeah, if had to do three guys immeditaly, they would be it, feel free to post your own list.

ps: last last last min shopping a success, i should get a shiny gold star,

why maria should never watch movies all day

2005-12-22T06:07:16Z

so i came home and caught up on my movie viewing, at home, all day, apart from the orthodontist fiasco which shall not be explained further more.
however, i do want to say this. i should not be allowed to watch chick flicks. it fucks up my morale. there s nothing worse than watching a heartwrenching movie about friendship and jeans that fit you perfectly (i have searched for them far and wide there is no such thing, they lie lie lie to the public. and then you end up feeling like shit because of all the heart wrenching tear jerking "feel good" moments.
i should just watch katie holmes over and over, though that still wont change the fact that i dont own a car. wow, ok that made no sense.
I other news, my music taste has now gone in areas that i would make fun of before, i am shocked and appalled. damn youo dumb tv shows, which also happen to be the ones i made fun of before. Leading me to two possibilities a) was messed up in high school b) im messed up now c)i should just get some rest and stop filling up my livejournal with crap.
on another note, i have no christmas shopping done at all, ive been home for 2 days and havent seen anyone, because they're too busy out partying without my sad little (scratch last word) derriere.
choppng le hair off yet again, and might just go back to the old brown, now that i have the whole gross burgundy phase out of my system.........thgouh i do find it funny that everyone at university thinks im a natural red head. HA. fat chance.
ok........that was a waste of time.
i am so sorry.
ps. please get me out of the house tomorow. merci beaucoups.

Maria's proclamation of Despair

2005-12-09T20:59:23Z

I CANNOT CONCENTRATE IF I HAVE TO SEE ANOTHER NUMBER IN MY LIFE I WILL KILLLLLLLLLL
FUCK
FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK
THIS IS WHY I AM NOT MEANT FOR EDUCATION.
WHY.
MUST.
TAYLOR.
POLYNOMIALS.
EXIST?????
that fuck head taylor is gonna get it.
and why am i not in like.....ok, i cant even think of an easy degree that i cant fail.
i want an eggroll.

HA BET YOU THOUGHT THIS WOULD BE A REAL ENTRY!

2005-11-27T04:29:40Z

If you read this, if your eyes are passing over this right now, even if we don't speak often, please post a comment with a memory of you and me. It can be anything you want, either good or bad.

When you're finished, post this little paragraph on your blog and be surprised (or mortified) about what people remember about you

happy giving thanks day.

2005-10-08T04:39:59Z

im home. and its oh so very weird, but home i am.
its actually a good thing, which means that i can give my liver a break. Cant wait to see the whole gang again.
I have learnt several things within the first few weeks of my stay....not at home:
-teabags, when left unthrown out and unnattended WILL start to mold
-getting tucked in after passing out by drunk guys will guarantee you that youll find gum i your sheets the next morning
-stealing food from the cafeteria is easier if you have tupper ware
-stealing food from the cafeteria is not worth the trouble in the first place
-beauty and the beast is appropriate to watch any time of the day
-it is not necessary to shower every day anymore. some ppl go 5 days without.
-jello shooters need to contain a lil more then 10% actual jello
-leaf fans are vicious.
-suddenly, going ot the supermarket and buying yourself grapes becomes the best meal youve had all week.
- A bag filled with beans becomes the one thing worth youo getting shitfaced and sick for.

cheers. im out

we have way too much time on our hands

2005-09-14T03:20:14Z

university is awesome!!! frosh is wicked and my floormates are sick this is what we do:

yes, we are all chem nerds xept one. and i dont have a lab coat yet.
yes, that is a bathrobe, and yes, those COULD be used as ski goggles.

useless_theory @ 2005-08-27T11:11:00

2005-08-27T15:15:48Z

To Graham, who thinks HIS monday schedule is tough, I say "YOU DONT KNOW!!!!!"

Presenting, Maria's Monday University Timetable :D

8:30-9:30 Physics Lecture
10:30-11:30 Math Lecture
11:30-12:30 Biology Lecture
12:30-13:30 Chemistry Lecture
13:30-14:30 Classics Lecture
14:30-17:30 Physics LABORATORY.

yeah. that is worse then the hours i got from high school days. i will need serious sugar mountain stashes.
amateurs.

(real entry to come up when i feel like it)

There's no place like home

2005-08-16T04:35:05Z

Im back! and i come bearing gifts a plenty and am very greatfull for things liek running water and electricity!

so naturally, here is my coming back first night partying picture:
oh yes, oh yes

yeah, sarah is the best smuggler ever.
oh and, umm....dibs that weird game that i dont have the patience to paste.

cheers

PERU ENTRY

2005-08-04T01:59:09Z

hey all.
so im writing this from beautiful cusco, the day before i start my 3 day trek in the wilderness of the inca trail. i am fat and unfit. it will be quite an experience.
as for everything else, peru is GORGEOUS, my new favourite animal is the andean camel (llama, alpaca, whatever) (my sis got spit on HAHAHAH)
and i have many adventures and whatevs. i AM home sick though, and thanks to all those who answered slash wrote me emails, i was very happy to read them, sorry for not replying, this is HARD!!!
so yeah, homesick and altitude dizzy, but its all worht it!!
hugs from the andes!

useless_theory @ 2005-07-19T00:14:00

2005-07-19T04:16:00Z

hey all,
sorry for the lack of updating, but ive been very busy with a whole load of crap and such lately.
im leaving this saturday at noon for peru, if you guys want anything at all, let me know, im gonna be stocking up on multicoloured ear-flap hats, so yeah just say something.
i have pics from my thousand island weekend with adwian, which rocked, and i had a blast, and well....yeah, im tired and i have to think about what im packing tomorow, so.....im goign to bed, update soon hopefully :S.
k, ciao!!!

FINAL MARKS

2005-07-06T19:25:29Z

Session MAY 2005
Candidate 000055 071 (ccd062)
Name VARLAN, MARIA
Category CERTIFICATE

Subject Grade
2005 MAY ENGLISH A1 HL 5 (I belive i had a predicted 5)

2005 MAY FRENCH A2 HL 5 (predicted 6 :S)

2005 MAY CHEMISTRY HL in ENGLISH 5 (predicted 4)

all in all, wasnt all bad.
other marks: physics-70%, Math- 80% and business- 88%

not bad, pretty glad, cant wait till i start classics!!!

another one.

2005-07-06T04:21:08Z

List your top 5 most favourite sounds in the world, talk amongst yourselves. Followers may do the same.

1- The crrr crrrr sound when the needle thing touches the record in a record player but the song hasnt started yet so its does this...purring sound.
2- the sound you make when you blow bubbles in your pepsi.
3- when you fill up your gas tank and right before its full and the handle pops, that sound of it filling up quickly
4- popping logs in the fire.
5- growling sounds puppies make when you play tag of war with em

and in other news:
- i need to watch my substance intake.
- grahams is so damn drugged
- day with the ex: surprisingly fun and chill. his puppy is ADORABLE.

useless_theory @ 2005-07-02T15:03:00

2005-07-02T19:09:07Z

so not much has happened apart from various get togethers and goodbye parties and drunken fests.
I have become a major cook, my dad and his friends have taken to fishing, a LOT
so they come home with various species of dead fish (i have taken to feel super terrible for contributing to the mass slaughter of these animals, cuz i am such an easily guilty person) anyways, so ive been cooking up a storn, various tings SUCH AS:
-garlic fish soup (yummy)
-fish and shrimp soup (yummy)
-fish au fourt
-spinach soup (im quite good at that)
-bouillabaise
-fish and lemon flavour-infused rice
-shrimp flambe
-various sauces
and the always popular shrimp and garlid sautee.
i still cant bake though. im terrible at baking. i burn teh house down with mah baking.
hugs.

update update update

2005-06-17T19:48:20Z

SO lots of things have hapened:
-i finished school
-i have not stopped to take a breath since then, till now, when im home manicuring myself becasue 40 dollars is ridiculous too spend on your hands?!?!?
-im sick out of my mind. imagine that,. being sick for my prom. typical of moi. is my immune system existent??
-i have quit my job selling knives becaus ethey wanted me to sell them to everyone i knew, and like littraly take up the ashbury phone book and start calling, and i was like, ew, no, and i quit. i do know a lot about knives though.
-so im unemployed, if anyone sees anything connected to employment LET MOI NOW
- so most days were spent with adrian and graham just dicking around, it was tres fun, i am tres amused by our outings. caught cold #2
-then it was dara's and becca's partay, where i had lots of fun and caught cold #3, and also i talked to so many ppl i lost touch with and it was really nice!
-and then lots of ppl were like we should do this again, and i said yes to some and nothing to others cuz i dont like em. :D
- and then yesterday the girls went clubbing......tennis clubbing. it was hot. we peed in the bushes. and danced crazy. and bitched about boyz. and did antm.........ANTM!!! (BTW, MUST FIND TOTAL DAY TO DO THIS)

THIS IS THE GROUP SHOT

me and ewin! cuz we'r cute!!!

HIPPIE POST

2005-06-06T23:17:10Z

so, ive been feeling super like..peaceful and "whatever" lately, not helping my exam preparation, let me tell yu that much. not but really. people stress over things way too much. they should just lie down, smile, think hey, life is cool, eat, get a milkshake, break the damn diet, and just be like......calm.
maria should stop listening to 60's psychedelic rock.

love & peace from overly calm maria!!!
ps: graham is back, the musketeers are in action and im delighted
pps: i finish two days from today
ppps: partay.

useless_theory @ 2005-06-02T19:31:00

2005-06-02T23:37:37Z

ladies and gentlemen, boys, girls, my many loyal fans....and....whatever.
I now have a summer job, a job which shall reign on top of my sillyest jobs i ever worked for list.

as in

#1---> I am going to spen my summer selling knives.
thats right.
i sell knives, door to door, by appointment.
very sharp, high end, hig quality knives. I am not kidding you, they are sharp. and cute.
very well.

i swear, i am so amused by this job it is ridiculous. i cant wait to start and give presentations to everyone about the coolness of my latest line of desginer kitchen knives wtf? lol!!!
so yes
SO ANYONE WHO IS IN NEED.........OF KNIVES.........lol, well...you know....

major update on whatsit

2005-05-31T20:05:12Z

so dears, here is a short update on all thats been going on, and stuff.

-im super ridiculously sick, and i look like heel after about a weekend of looking super good. i know, wtf?
-coffee house last week, i had a blast, my co-host was a doll never knew how cute he is.(actually, hes so hot)
the bands were pretty good the bamboozlers were freaking amazing. im totally in love with one of them, doesnt matter who just one of them. so all together twas very good.actuallly twas fabulous. very happy w/ turnout. pelletier was delighted.
-went to niagara falls for my rent's university reunion. i actually recognized a lot of the faces....weird.....but hey the hotel was so cool they had speakers in the bathroom for the tv so you could go pee and still listen to snl. even adjust the volume. it was ridiculous. plus yay for jacked shampoo!!!
-so im sick.....
-i havent been to school in 5 days, probably will attend 2 days of school this week HAHAHAH weird....but soon are exams...not hot
-graham is still,,,,....somewhere......micronesia or somewehre.....else and adrian is all like "i'm IB" so im dreadfully bored.
anywasy.
- organised my computer playlist, my mp3 files now have names and artist names too :D. to rbing my total to about 500.

so the answers for the songs that noone got are:

2. my mother died every night, its safe to say dont quote me on that- On a plain by Nirvana
3. when i was young the sun was younger than today- Help!- The Beatles (as if noone got that)
4. teardrop on the fire, feathers on my breath- Teardrop by Massive Attack
6. while all the women came and went, barefoot servants, too- All Along the Watchtower- Bob Dylan
7. i guess its true its never too late, still i dont know what to do today- Sunday- Sonic Youth
8. out by the fire breathing, outside we wait 'til face turns blue- Here comes your man- The pixies
13. hey there baby stiles, this is a nice dancing club right?- (ok so i tricked you) Baby Stiles- Strong Bad
16. the curtain goes up and the lights come down- The New Sound- The capricorns
20. one pill makes you larger and one pill makes you small- White Rabbit- Jefferson Airplane
21. don't wake at night to watch her sleep- Burn- The cure
25. adorable illusion and I cannot hide- Heart of Glass- Blondie

gee.........anywho, glad to see how much this game has caught on from moi, hehehehehhe
kewls. im off. ciao.

THE MOVIE VERSION OF MY LIFE

2005-05-22T04:37:10Z

Here is my grand casting of who will play who in the grand movie of my life, because , naturally, there will be one because im so fabulous and will spread world peace, discover a permanent alternative for botox (you know, like one that continuously pulls on your skin and like....burninates wrinkles) and a cure for aids as well as will marry prince harry. I will rock.

ANYWAYS, HERE GOES:

In the main part of my beautiful self we have:

At first i wanted claire danes, but after wards i decided for zooey deschanel cuz she's my new favourite, and well. damn her she got to be in almost famous.

My sister:
Julia Stiles. Because my sister is in love with her hair and she insists that she is the only person that could ever portrey her accuratly. Her and Gwyneth Platrow. That and they both look like they are such smart ass know it alls.

THE PARENTS:
Lisa Kudrow and Robert Deniro, Kudrow, cuz i mean, WHO wouldnt want phoebe as a mom, she kicks ass. and deniro cuz.......he prolly scares me just as much as my daddy. My parents are so kewl.

The Boyfriend:
Im not even going ot bother explaining. its unoriginal. i know. but DAMNIT PEOPLE HES A HOT BABE EVEN AT 50!!!!! (ok, so hes like 30 something.....but still!) So for the interest of this piece, lets assume he's 17 and a non druggie, because...well...i made a pact to not go ther again. he CAN, however, be a hot aspiring musician/peruvian llama herder/ communist guerilla named Diego.

The sidekicks/friends/my musketeers:
jack black cuz, well.......closest i could get to person in mind. the raped team america guy becasue i refused to let a musician star in my movie and rene zsellweger cuz shes super blonde, and well shes cute and i like her.
thast it..
SEND ME ANY NEW ADDITIONS THAT I SHOULD....ADD. LIKE PARTS IVE MISSED AND WHO SHOULD PLAYEM AS WELL AS WHO DO YOU THINK SHOULD PLAY YOU?lalallalalla

AMERICA'S NEXT TOP MODEL

2005-05-18T02:16:06Z

Finalists: The Smouldering Gwozy Morgan, (Tyra's Fave): Marla-Gap-Stella Varlan, Ebsary Daniels-Pubechin and Reba Guess Thats Hot

WE. ARE. SUCH. BABES.

GAME GAME GAME

2005-05-14T21:01:42Z

lets see if graham can get all of them, knowing that i do not have any collective soul.

Step 1: Get your playlist together, put it on random, and play
Step 2: Pick your favorite lines from the first 25 songs that play.
Step 3: Post and let everyone you know guess what song the lines come from...without searching it on google or songmeanings.
Step 4: Cross out the songs when someone guesses correctly!

SONGS:
1.XX i wanna hold youre little hand if i can be so bold (just cuz.....its better the most)
2. my mother died every night, its safe to say dont quote me on that
3. when i was young the sun was younger than today
4. teardrop on the fire, feathers on my breath
5. some people call me Maurrrice!
6. while all the women came and went, barefoot servants, too
7. i guess its true its never too late, still i dont know what to do today
8. out by the fire breathing, outside we wait 'til face turns blue
9. we're just two lost sould swimming in a fish bowl
10.XX he wore black and i wore white, and he'd always win the fight (the cover song, not the original)
11.XX now, what do you own the world?
12.XX i love to make you breakfast the morning after
13. hey there baby stiles, this is a nice dancing club right?
14. come back as fire, burn all the liars, leave a blanket of ash on the ground
15.XX but everything looks perfect from far away
16. the curtain goes up and the lights come down
17.XX holy ghosts and talk show hosts are planted in the sand
18.XX he's the man, the man with the midas touch (boo ya)
19.XX she lives with a broken man, a cracked polystyrene man
20. one pill makes you larger and one pill makes you small
21. don't wake at night to watch her sleep
22.XX i looked up this morning and the sun was gone
23.XX now i dont hardly know her, but i think i can love her
24.XX ziggy played guitar (easy)
25. adorable illusion and I cannot hide

good luck!!!

useless_theory @ 2005-05-10T19:40:00

2005-05-10T23:44:28Z

Wow, i never update this anymore....weird....
so, i am finsihed all my IB exams, so now i have maybe....2...1...0 classes a day.
life is good.
life is good.
am still in grand conondrum of queens vs. toronto, but hey what can i do?

so, now i can finally concentrate on my true baby:
coffee house l'alternative.
i will absolutely KILL this one, itll be fab and everyone must come and see.
im tres tres excited.

my memory is so bad lately though, in fact i bet all of you that i probably dont remembr how we met.
so ha!
ok,......back to my busy schedule of coming home and doin....nothing :D
cheers dears!

GOODBYE YELLOW BRICK ROAD

2005-05-05T00:35:11Z

im done my hardest higher level class
CHEMISTRY
it was difficult, but i managed to ......get through with it.
so, now that its over with, i can begin to have fun again
thast right, martha is back on the wagon again!

however, i am super braindead:

.........wow i look severely brain damaged.

so long from the retarded